I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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