Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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