so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
