i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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