yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
