when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
