Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
