Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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