I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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