Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
