and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
