dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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