Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
