I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
