I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
