Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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