Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
