I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
