I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
