So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
