Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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