My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
