It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
