who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
