I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
