The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
