saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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