No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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