For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
BRING THE BAGELS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
