Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
