My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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