Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
