The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
