your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
