I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
