i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
