You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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