You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize