Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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