I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize