Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Send help, water and tortillas.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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