Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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