sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
