I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
