Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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