i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
