I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
