I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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