Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
