You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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