I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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