Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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