i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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