but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
