i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
