You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
