yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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