I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a beard to bite.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
