take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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