I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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