Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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