Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
