Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
