I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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