I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
