you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
