Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
