i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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