You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
