Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
