I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
