i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
