You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
