Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.