I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?