so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.