This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.