My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way