we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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