I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
