so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
