They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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