Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
